@andyw
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decided to have some fun
The alchemist
Resume explained by an idiot
The whole story starts with a kid called Santiago, a shepherd, he always dreamed of traveling. But his dad thinks that this was a bad idea so the speech must have gone like this
Santiago: hey dad I want to be a traveller
Dad: nah mate it’s too bad. At some point in life, you will find that our women are the most beautiful and our food is the best.
Santiago:
One day when he was sleeping in his dilapidated church, he gets the same dreams repeatedly and the dream goes “yeah so I’m going to make you travel across the world to find a “treasure” mate I’m not going to tell you what it is, deal with that. The only thing I’m going to tell you is that it’s near the pyramids.
In the morning he goes to a gypsy to tell her what it was “it’s near the pyramids” (very useful) now she is charging him one tenth of the treasure. He also meets an old king with a shiny breastplate and gives him two pieces of stone (he even gave them cute names) he said “smting smthing omen smthing smthing god and treasure” this made Santiago want to go. He arrives to Tangier where he meets a thief who stole all of his cash (boohoo I know) but he meets a crystal merchant and Santiago be like “hey so I think I can work with you and we can sell tea in crystal cups and they will love it” the whole merchandise blew up and soon Santiago was bathing in money. He decides to move on to his treasure. He finds a desert express and meets a British lad who is looking for the alchemist.
they arrive to an oasis where he finds the most beautiful woman in the world, her name was Fatima and it was love at first sight, then he had some visions that bad guys are going to come and steal all their gold and women, Santiago told the chiel and he agreed. The bad guys really did come, and he got one gold piece for every ten dead, and he ended up with… * dumb kid doing math* aha 50 gold pieces and on top of all that he also find the alchemist. He decides to have tea with him and eat his flying bird of preys they go on a long trip to the pyramids and on their way, Santiago lost: his money, all of it to an enemy tribe the alchemist also said that the kid can turn into wind, and they got three days to prepare. Poor Santiago was horrified, he did not know how to turn into the wind.
Three days later he asked the sand if he could turn into the wind and had to explain how love works and the answer was “sorry mate but you have to ask the wind himself” that was anticlimactic. And after more asking he finally turned into methane and landed next to the troops the chief of the army was shocked to see the young alchemist and said, “oh it’s the power of Allah smthing smthing he’s on our side yay!” and they got let go. The alchemist got bitten by a snake and he put in an incantation with circles and stuff and because he was an alchemist he did not die (that makes me want to be an alchemist) and they arrived at a church. He did some hocus pocus and turned a whole pan of lead into gold and gave a bit to the monk and half to the kid because he could no longer help him.
Santiago arrives to the pyramids and finds a beetle” ah it’s an omen” he thought and started digging, he dug and dug but he found nothing. Some kids found him and started to beat him up and took the gold, one of them said that he once slept here and dreamed of treasure under a tree in Spain. Santiago now knew where the treasure was.
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