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Bang Bang bang! Bang Bang Bang!
It was aunt Petunia again, and she was bangging on my cupboard door, as usual.
“Everything has to be wonderful!I want Dudley’s special day to be perfect.” shrill Aunt Petunia.
Great. I had forgotten Dudly’s birthday, where everything had to be perfect. Yeah, and My birthday wasn’t even celebrated. I always wanted parents that were caring and loving, but My parents had died in a car crash, or at least that’s what Aunt Petunia told me.
When Dudly came down the kitchen stairs to eat breakfast, each was Bacon and eggs, I gulped. I had already counted the gifts, and it was two less gifts than last year. So when Dudly started counting his gifts, I started wolfing down my bacon as fast as I could. I knew a tantrum was coming up, and I wanted to finish breakfast before it was under the flipped table, squashed. I think unt petunia thought so too, because she hurriedly told dudley that he didn’t count aun marges present yet, but that was still not enough. Finally, Aunt Petunia got him to calm down. She had told him She and Uncle vermin were going to buy him two more presents today. 2!!! I don’t even get 1 present on my birthday, and definitely not 39. I felt a little jealous. Well, at least I was able to save my breakfast. After that, I had to wash the dishes, and thenAunt Petunia came in with good news. Turns out that Mrs.Figgs, who I always got sent to on Dudley’s birthday, had tripped and broke her leg.
Wow! The zoo was really packed.
I didn’t make it happen! I didn’t make it happen! It wasn’t me!!!!! I had tried to explain this to Uncle vermin, but al always, he didn’t listen to my side of the story. I had nothing to do with the snake. Sure, I talked to it, but I didn’t break the glass! How dare he say it was me! Did he have any evidence? How would he like it to stay in a cupboard below the stairs? I was so angry, But I couldn’t do anything about it. Guess I would just have to sneak some food once they’re asleep…
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Wonderful work, Julia!
This is a fantastic and very exciting diary entry. You have done a brilliant job of capturing the anger and annoyance that you would feel if you lived with the Dudleys and your inventiveness is wonderful. You also do a great job of describing the scene.
To make it even better, you could try adding in some metaphors or similes to make it even more descriptive (i.e. I felt like I would blow up).
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Beautiful work, Emily!
Your diary entry is wonderfully written and very engaging. I love the way you list the rules of the house and how you create suspense by referring to Harry’s mysterious scar. You have certainly captured the characters very well.
To improve, you could add a little bit more about how Harry feels (i.e. I hate it here).
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Excellent work, Kimberley!
This is a marvellously detailed and entertaining diary entry. You have included lots of key details from the story and introduced the reader to the characters really well. Your use of capitalization (i.e. HATE and RING) is wonderful as it really creates a sense of chaos in the Dudley house and emphasises the characters’ emotions.
To improve, you could give a little more details about Harry (i.e. how does he describe himself?).
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I was rather quite hungry, for I had been walking in the Forbidden forest for hours, and I didn’t have any food with me. I had met three centaurs a long time ago, and the younger one was looking quite sallow. I had been informed that he was rather sick, and his parents were not quite happy talking about it. I had also met the horrific spiders that lived in the forest. Talk about giants! I was almost eaten when I grabbed a branch to my right and swang out of reach. I had also heard the howling of wolves and nearly got bitten by one if it wasn’t for wand.
As I reached Hogwarts castle, I thought about what I would say. I Knew that they would be shocked to hear that I had been traveling in the forbidden forest, and that I had been alone. Suddenly, a newspaper flew right smack into my face. I read the headlines. “Harry Potter goes into forbidden forests!” shoutes the headline. Harry Potter. How could I forget? Harry Potter had a lot of wit and was very brave. Of course he would help me find a nice place to stay. I wished myself into Harry potter’s dorm room , and poof! I found myself staring right into a boy’s eye.
“Ahhhhhhh! Who are you, he cried, hiding behind one of the many bare beds.
“I’m um, Judy. Errr… Do you know where Harry Potter is?” I asked awkwardly.
“I don’t know if I should tell you, but he’s over there, and I’m Ron.” said the freckled boy.
“Um, thanks.” I quickly slinked away before he could ask any more questions.
I walked towards the double doors Ron was pointing at, and I walked into a corridor. There was another boy about the same age as the first one, but studying a parchment. I looked at his forehead and saw a slightly hidden scar on his forehead. He was also wearing a scarf bearing the picture of an eagle, and wearing robes. They hung slightly just above his shoes, and I could see the tip of a wand sticking out of his pocket. So THIS was the famous Harry Potter.
“Hi! I’m Judy!” I said, waiting for a response.
He looked up at me.
“I’ve never met you before. Which house do you belong in?”
“Errr, the thing is, I actually don’t learn here. I’m just looking for a place to live. I’ve been traveling in the Forbidden forest for ages, and I’m very tired. I thought I’d ask you for help. After all, you ARE Harry potter.” I told him, catching my breath when I finished.
“Oh. I didn’t know that. You were in the Forbidden forest? All on your own? You shouldn’t have! There are very dangerous things inside.You could have been eaten? Or killed! Well, be careful next time. Now let’s head to the library. There should be something in that will help.”
“Okayyyy. Judy wasn’t very sure about this, I didn’t know what people would think of me.
Wow! This library sure is jammed! Loads of people were walking back and forth, talking in low whispers. Harry and I walked towards a bookshelf, and disappeared behind the bookshelf. I felt very relieved because no one would see us and feel uncertainty about me.
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Harry and the other first years were waiting for the sorting to begin, some of the first years were trembling. Harry could feel himself shaking as they stepped into a magnificent hall with four long tables filled with older Hogwarts pupils, as they reached to the other end of the hall, there was an old filthy hat laying on a stool. For a moment, everyone was silence but then the hat broke by the edge and started to sing a poem song. After about five minutes, the hat finished its song and there was a loud applause from everyone, Professor McGonagall unrolled a piece of parchment and declared ‘‘when I call your name you will come and put the hat on your head,’’ “Ronald Weasley!” Ron walked slowly to the sorting hat and putted on his head, for a moment there was silence but then the hat shouted “GRIFFINDOR!!!” One of the long tables at the edge roared with happiness and welcomed Ron to the house table. “Draco Malfoy!” shouted Professor McGonagall and Malfoy did the same thing, the sorting hat barely touched his head and yelled “SLYTHERINE!!!” the green table screeched as the boy went to join the others. “Harry Potter!!!!” exclaimed Professor McGonagall suddenly there was some muttering all around the hall as Harry went to the hat, he jammed it on his head and the hat started to speak, “hmm… a very interesting brain, ahh yes, lots of courage I see,” “not Slytherin, not Slytherin,” muttered Harry, “not Slytherin? Well, you would do good in there I suppose, no? well if your sure then it must be GRIFFINDOR!!!” screeched the sorting hat. Relieved and calm, he went to join the other beaming Gryffindors.
Written by Kimberley
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My favorite part of book one is in the middle of the night when Hagrid showed up in the broken down boat that Uncle Vermin had rented. Hagrid is really kind hearted and funny, that’s why I like him. I also very much liked the part when Hagrid took out a little squashed cake for Harry, since it was Harry’s birthday. Hagrid is just so friendly and always tries his best to cheer people up and make them happy. I loved it when Hagrid scared the butt out of Mr.Dursley when he zapped Dudley and gave him a pig’s tail. It was totally hilarious. But the reason I liked this part is hard to explain.
First of all, I like Harry and Hagrid, who are the main characters in this part. Also, I think that the Dursley deserved to have one of the family members having a pig tail. I think I liked this part because I like the characters and also what happened. Harry deserves to go to hogwart. And that part of the story made it true for him. It also fulfilled his dream. To leave the Dursleys!
This part is just the best. All the characters there all got what they deserved. Harry got a great birthday, the only one that’s been celebrated yet. And the Dursleys got what they deserved for treating Harry badly, their son having a pig tail. This part is just awesome.
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Brilliant job, Julia!
You have picked a wonderful moment as your favourite. The detail you go into when describing why you like the characters, such as Hagrid, is excellent; it really helps the reader to understand your point of why.
To improve, try to pick some quotations from the text to help support your answer.
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My favorite part of the story is when Harry gets sorted into his house. The reason I like this part is because that it’s the first time Harry’s ever been to Hogwarts and at the start, he thought he had to do a test or something but he was relieved that they just had to put on the sorting hat.
There are about a million reasons why I liked this part but I’ll only tell you one reason for now. When the sorting happens there’s so much detail and I love it when the time Harry mutters ‘Not Slytherine, Not Slytherine’ so he’s been put in Griffindor by the hat, so he also can stay with his best friend, Ron Weasley, the ginger hair and freckled boy Harry met on the train to Hogwarts.
The part where I was really excited was when Harry’s name was called and people started muttering and whispering about things about him and it proves that Harry is actually the ‘famous boy who lived against Voldemort’.
When the sorting hat said ‘you would do good in Slytherine, no?’ I thought that Harry was going to be put in Slytherine but actually when the sorting hat said ‘ If your sure then you must be put in…GRIFFINDOR!!!!!!!!!!!!’ Then I was happy for Harry because he wouldn’t be put in Slytherine (his least favorite house because of Malfoy).And I also think its important because this is where Harry takes place for all his adventures and in the hats song it said Grinffindors are brave.
Written by Kimberley J
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Brilliant work, Kimberly!
This is a hugely exciting part of the story and a wonderful section to select as your favourite. You do an excellent job at describing in great detail this moment to the reader and it is brilliant that you express your feelings towards the different houses.
To improve, you could also talk about how J. K. Rowling makes this part exciting (i.e. using the song sang by the hat).
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Harry was having care with magical creatures soon, so he wanted to get ready. He had already put on his hat, scarf and boots. It was late November, and it was very cold outside. Harry wasn’t very interested in the magical care of creatures anymore after the first class. Malfoy had his arm broken and was pretending it hurt him very badly. Hagrid had taken the first lesson as a shock, and started giving lessons about flobber worms, which were extremely boring. But just as Harry was about to head outside to Hagrid’s hut with Ron and Hermione, Harry spotted something. It looked like an upside down tea pot, but it had a turtle shell and glowing red eyes. And when Harry looked at it, he felt his whole body freeze. His body was going cold, and as still as stone. When Ron and Hermione stopped to see what Harry was looking at, they stopped in their tracks. The thing was slowly creeping away, and Harry felt the cold inside him slowly draining. Soon Harry was chasing after the thing, with Ron and Hermione right behind him. But as Harry watched it glide through a tunnel, it suddenly disappeared . Harry looked around, but the thing was nowhere in sight. Where could it be?
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Beautiful work, Julia!
This is an excellent piece of writing. Your use of adverbs is wonderful and you have done a great job of creating lots of excitement for the reader. I particularly love your tense ending!
To improve, you could add in some dialogue to show us what the characters talk about in this situation.
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